It’s been exactly 8 months since I returned from Cape Verde. That means I’ve spent about the same time back home as I did in Cape Verde. Weird. Really weird. Even just trying to write this blog is weird. But I’m feeling a bit inspired after reading some of my other teammates returning home blogs. So here goes.
Being home is hard. It’s great to be back with my family and friends and Zaxbys, of course. But its hard on my relationship with Jesus.
I know Jesus wants me to be here in Kennesaw at college. I prayed about it and prayed about it and I know Jesus wanted me to be here. But I don’t want to be anymore. I want to be back on the mission field. I want to get back to doing what I love– which is sharing Christ with others.
And please don’t tell me that I can share Jesus with people here. Because yeah, you’re right, sure whatever. But I also think that is a total cop out. People in America have endless opportunities to hear the gospel. But there are people out there right now who will die never hearing the gospel if we, the church, don’t do something about it.
I’m having a really hard time communicating with people back in CV. Which I know I should do more. But it just makes things harder for me. It reminds me that I have so many people I love that are 3,000 miles away and I want to be back with them. Not here. I’m working on that.
I feel like I should reiterate that I am glad to be back with my family. And friends. And all the things I love. But that’s also the problem. I’m comfortable here. Way too comfortable. And that’s a dangerous thing. I feel that “being comfortable” should be the enemy of a Christian.
I feel like Jesus is teaching me so much and I have so much to say and share. I’m really praying that God would give me a platform or some way of sharing everything he places on my heart. I want more than anything else to see a huge growth in the mission field. And I want to do my part to contribute to it. However that may be.
All in all, college is fine. I’m making friends. I have a good job. I love the college ministry I attend. I’m now a marketing major. Don’t ask me what I’m going to do with it because I have absolutely no idea. I’m just trying to get back overseas.
So yeah, it’s great to be home. But also it’s not. I feel like I haven’t done anything for Jesus and it makes me feel dead inside. But, I’m weathering the season the Lord has me in right now. And I don’t always understand the season or reason or purpose. But I trust that this season is preparing me for other things.