Day 36 – October 19th, 2017
Last night was a hard night. I’d had such a great day, but it just hit me that I have no idea what I’m doing with my life. I have my plan, but I don’t know if it’s God’s plan. I was just extremely discouraged. I want to follow God’s will for my life, but it’s like He isn’t really telling me yes or no. And so I want to stick to my plan because it’s better than no plan and I don’t hear God saying no to it, but I also don’t hear the yes I’m looking for. The Lord knows I’m a control freak and not knowing and being in control is driving me crazy.
Right now, my plan is to go to Kennesaw State and start the long journey towards becoming a psychiatrist. And then, because KSU doesn’t offer summer classes, during the next two summers I want to pursue an online Associates in Christian Studies. I’m thinking I’ll do it through Shorter University, but I guess I could technically get it from any Christian school that offers online degrees. (Hopefully I will have gotten the chance to tell my parents this before its posted, but oh well if not.)
I don’t feel like it’s a bad plan.. I just don’t know if it’s the plan God wants. If he doesn’t want me at Kennesaw then I honestly pray that they won’t accept me again. Seriously. I need God to just slam that door closed if it’s not the right one. My biggest fear is to have a meaningless life.
On a more positive note, tonight we went to a birthday party for our neighbor, Lydia! She turned 9! They are really good people. We’re hoping and praying that a schedule will work out where her mom, Elisangela, can disciple some of us girls! It was a lot of fun and we had some great cake.
To keep the good news rolling, Madeline and I had a great time at discipleship tonight! Madeline did a great job leading! Bette did an awesome job translating, too. We actually all got to have deep conversation and discussion. It was very encouraging!
We have to be up at 5:45 AM tomorrow to go get some more things done to try and get our extended visa. Really praying that it won’t be a long process.. well longer than it already is and has to be. Also praying that I’ll get a good nap in tomorrow!